Your Secret Admirer
by Tie Kerl
Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day in the LEP! When Holly and Commander Root receive cards from each other, they know something’s up. And I think we all know who’s behind it . . . Mostly humor, with a teensy insignificant bit of implied Holly/Root.
1. Default Chapter

AN: I wrote this after fending off my best friend's little sister, who apparently has a huge crush on me. She's a cute kid, but she's ten for Frond's sake! Anyway, this is an innocent enough piece of randomness. It slightly implies Holly/Root at the end, so if you don't like it, leave. May the Force be with you

Disclaimer: I don't own Holly, Root, Foaly, Trouble, Cupid or anything else. So there.

************************************************* 

February 13th, 2003 

Police Plaza was shut down for the day. But someone was still there. A dark figure was putting the finishing touches on a message written to a Miss. Holly Short. He smiled as he slipped it into a envelope. This was going to be good. The figure sealed it, and grabbed another addressed to a Mr. Julius Root. He put the envelopes on the receiver's desks. He had done a lot, but this was going to take the cake. The unknown fairy let himself out the back door, and went home, thinking that Valentine's Day couldn't come soon enough.


	2. V Day

i February 14th, 2003 /i

Holly fumed into LEP. The only thing she hated more than Valentine's Day was Christmas. Who wouldn't with a name like Holly? The fact that she was Cupid's great-granddaughter made it ten times worse. And working with Chix Verbil sent the numbers through the roof. Sure enough, there was four pink envelopes on her desk. She opened them, using every curse word she knew.

The first was from Chix, a lacy one with a mushy poem on it.

Holly sighed and ran it through the paper shredder.

The second was from a certain Trouble Kelp. 

After making sure no one was looking, Holly slipped it into her desk drawer. 

The third was from Foaly, and featured a disgusting limerick, and a rude comment about how Holly should take up archery.

Paper shredder.

Holly curiously opened the last. Inside was a piece of pink, scented paper with a floral print. On it, in rough handwriting, it said:

Dearest Holly,

I love you more with each passing day. I can't stop thinking about you. You are my sun and my moon. I am so close to you every single day, but yet I am far away from you. Please be mine, for ever and always.

Your Secret Admirer

P.S. If you need a clue to who I am, my face is as red as this letter.

Holly's jaw dropped. Of course she knew who wrote it, or at least claimed to write it. The face clue was a dead give-away. But just to be sure, Holly took a piece of paper from her desk. It was a handwritten threat of what would happen if she ever got into a wrestling match with Foaly again. It was from Root, naturally. Holly compared the writing. It was the same, down to the letter. Still amazed, Holly grasped the letter, and stormed to Beetroot's office.

i Meanwhile in Root's Office: /i

If there was anyone who hated Valentine's Day more than Holly Short, it was Julius Root. Then again, he hated most holidays. The whole joy and cheer and love and good will to fairy kind really wasn't for him. At least he didn't have to put up with any foolish cards. 

There was actually an urban legend going around Root's neighbourhood that if he caught anyone that sent him a card of any type, he'd make them ride out the flares on the fender of a pod. Quite a few young ones had nightmares over that.

That's why Commander Root was so shocked when he saw a pink envelope on his desk. It was most likely from the blasted centaur, he reasoned. However, when he opened it, it wasn't the half-horse's neat print on the pink flowery stationary, it was messy handwriting that he could barely read. It read:

Dear Julius,

You probably don't know it, but I am madly in love with you. I see you every day, but never come close. I can see past your angry face and cruel words. I can see the man inside. I know this may be a relationship doomed from the start, as there is quite a bit of difference between us. But if you just gave it a chance, I would be the happiest elf under the world.

Your Secret Admirer

P.S. If you need a clue to who I am, my hair is the same colour as valentines.

Root's heart nearly exploded. Of course Holly wrote it, he'd recognize the sloppy penmanship anywhere. But what under the earth made her do it, he intended to find out. He flung open the door, and instead of hollering, he found Holly was standing in front of it.

"Commander," she muttered, "I have to talk to you about something."

"And I to you." growled Root.

At this point, each thought the other was going to explain why they sent the letter, which made it even more awkward, which made them even more nervous.

As soon as she stepped inside the office, Holly couldn't hold it in. "Commander, why did you send my this letter?"

At the exact same time, Root bellowed, "Short, why the hell did you send me this letter?"

They both paused, each looking at the other.

Then Holly said, "Um, sir, I didn't send you a letter."

Root was wearing a shocked expression. "I didn't send you one either."

"Let me see that." Holly took Root's letter, and he took hers.

After scanning over the letters, Holly said, "Whoever did this is good. It looks exactly like my writing!"

The Commander grunted. "This is insane."

"Who do we know that could forge our handwriting, and be both sick and brave enough to pull this off?"

Mud brown and hazel eyes locked. They both knew the answer.

In the Operations Booth, Foaly leaned back in a swivel chair, chuckling. He had been watching the whole thing over the cameras. All of Julius's insults, all of Holly's teasing, it was worth it all just to see the looks on their faces when they read those letters. He had been practising writing like Root and Holly for almost a month to get it right. It was too bad, however, that Foaly cancelled the screen. If he hadn't, he would have seen a very angry Root, and a very pissed-off Holly on the war path to the booth.

Commander Root and Captain Short reached the booth at the same time. Foaly had all of the security taken off, or rather, was forced to, after the Koboi incident.

Foaly spun around, still laughing. "So, am I the master or what? No one else could have pulled that off!"

Holly cracked her knuckles. "You want to see another funny trick?"

The half-horse swallowed nervously. "It was a joke. I mean, you and Julius. Get it? Ha ha."

Root gritted his teeth. "Yes, Foaly. Hilarious. "

The centaur's face paled, and with good reason.

"Sir? Permission to murder Foaly." said Holly, through clenched teeth.

The Commander smiled evilly. "Permission granted, Captain. You need back up."

Foaly started running like someone lit a firecracker under his tail.

  
However, a techie, even one with four legs, isn't much of a match against a young LEP officer.

And even though the Commander was almost a millennia old, and somewhat overweight, rage can give people a lot of energy. 

Foaly's pain filled cries rang through-out Police Plaza.


	3. The Bloody Morning After

February 15th, 2003

Foaly limped into Police Plaza. Holly and Julius had broken two of his ankles, sprained one, fractured his wrist, and cracked something in his back. Fortunately, Trouble Kelp had stopped laughing long enough to heal him, but magic could only go so far.

When he reached Ops, he carefully lowered himself into a swivel chair. There had been a few well-placed boots in his hind-quarters too.

Captain Kelp casually walked in.

"Come to have another laugh?" growled Foaly.

Trouble chuckled. "Nope. I'm just a messenger. Holly and Beetroot said they've broke even with you, and then some."

"Or so they say." murmured Foaly. "I'm still locking the door after you go."

"Paranoid." muttered Kelp under his breath, and hurried out of the booth.

Holly and Commander Root were watching through the window, having a good laugh at the centaur's discomfort. And for those who don't know, Root laughing was rarer than a blue moon.

After a few minutes, Holly said, "I'd better get to work Commander."

Julius nodded. "Of course, Captain."

"Er, there's just one thing."

Mud brown and hazel eyes locked for the second time in two days.

"You, um, don't really like me, do you sir?"

"O-of course not, Short!" stammered the Commander.

"I didn't think so. I was just checking." Holly turned, and walked down the hallway.

Root watched her go. He had never noticed before, but Holly had a very nice figure. And her eyes… The commander suddenly realized what he was thinking. He hurried to his office, repeating in his mind, She's not your type, She's not your type, She's not… Actually, she really was. Sporty, humorous… Augh! She's only eighty, She's only eighty…

Holly walked to her cubical. She couldn't believe she asked him that! Why would she even consider that? Even though, except for the weight problem and the grey hair, he was kind of handsome… Holly stopped in mid-thought. Gross! She had just thought of Beetroot as handsome! She had seen a picture of him when he was younger, and he had been cute… Holly did another re-take. She stopped the nearest person, Captain Kelp. "Trouble, do you have your gun?"

He gave her a strange look. "Of course. Why?"

"Please shoot me."


End file.
